WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
