My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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