We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
