I wanna bring you to show and tell
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
