this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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