I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
