so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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