I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
