remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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