I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
