I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize