just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I could make wine with my vomit
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
