this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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