i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
