we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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