My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
