This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
