Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
