i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
