barbara walters just said penis...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
