FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
