in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
