So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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