turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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