somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
