wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
