apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You are the jesus of drinking
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
