Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
