do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
