This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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