Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
