I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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