So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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