So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
