i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
