Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize