rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
