before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think I just sharted jello shots
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
