Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
