you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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