You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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