dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize