I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
