either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
