just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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