It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
