I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
