I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize