i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
