I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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