My cat gives me a boner
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
