you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
