Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?

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(863): View more from Florida

Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!

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(310): View more from California

now i know why i became what i already was.

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(256): View more from Alabama

So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.

(256): View more from Alabama

that was the beginning of the end.

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(925): View more from California

If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.

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(212): View more from New York

I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.

(503): View more from Oregon

Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.

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(917): View more from New York City

I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...

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(303): View more from Colorado

Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.

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