No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
