Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
