So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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