I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just had sex on a roof
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
