You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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