just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
