Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize