oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I woke up under a house in Key West
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