i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
