Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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