my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
