What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And then he peed in my hair
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