Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
