By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
