All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
