Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
