WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
