Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
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