He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
