Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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