She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Be still, my beating vagina.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
