Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
