So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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