I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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