I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
