All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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