She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
