Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
