I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
