I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
